The Incident
by HaleKent
Summary: This takes place a week after "Seeing Red." Spike's gone, Xander's angry, and Buffy's...well... ONE SHOT. Rated M for illusions to rape.


It had been a week.

A week since "The Incident."

That's the only way it was referred. The gang knew one thing, while Buffy and Xander knew it was something else. Aside from what happened at the Magic Box, they had a difficult enough time dealing with what _else_ had happened. Neither had said anything after he had found her.

Dawn, Tara, and Willow were out at a movie, leaving them alone for the first time since. "We have to talk about this," he said as they sat on her couch.

"No," was all she said.

"Buff... you need to talk about what happened. Please, give me some peace at mind. Every time I think about it, I just want to kill him..."

'No," she said again. "When he comes back, don't kill him."

"You mean 'if' right? Buffy, he tried to—"

"No. He didn't. I know what happened. You don't. Don't pretend like you know..."

"All I know is that I found you on the bathroom floor, crying your eyes out. You looked roughed up, and I know he was here. His jacket was on the stairs! Please, Buffy. I'm driving myself crazy."

"He just didn't understand. I—I messed up. Please, just stop." Her arms were around her knees, but he didn't notice her shaking.

"You can't blame yourself! He tried to do this! You didn't do anything!" he exclaimed. He was standing in front of her, arms reacting to the words he was saying.

"Xander. Stop."

"No, Buffy, you stop! You can't protect him. He's just a monster! How can you not think so after what happened?"

"Because..." she said with a whisper. "You always forgive the ones you love..."

"Love? Are you insane? He tried to rape you!"

"I know what he tried to do! It doesn't matter! I love him. I do. You love Anya, just as she loves you. And because you love each other, you'll forgive the other, because you left her, and she screwed him. You can't always choose who you love, Xander. It's not what I expected, but... the times I've spent with him... they were some of the best I've had since I've been back. I'm not insane. For the first time in months, I'm finally seeing things clearly. I love Spike, and I really don't care what you think. So call me crazy. Stop being my friend. Hate me forever. I don't care anymore, because if you're really my friend, you'll stay by my side until the world ends." She sighed heavily, and she knew it was time to tell him everything. "Xander, when I came in, everything hurt. The sun was too bright, too hot. Everything felt wrong. I felt like I shouldn't be here. It was worse when Dawn made me feel like I should cry, but I couldn't. I could see you, Anya, Willow and Tara laughing at something, but I just felt like I was left out of a joke. I couldn't feel hunger. I couldn't feel...

"Until I found Spike... Or well... he found me. I could feel him looking at me, and just a look—A LOOK—made me able to feel again. I want...needed more. And so I used him. I didn't want him to know the effect he had on me at first, but I couldn't control it. He—he can hit me. He can hurt me. I thought I came back wrong, but I didn't. Tara checked... Xander... I used him for months. Since that singing spell, I've wanted him, and I got him. I didin't want any of you to know. I could only imagine how disappointed you would be. I was so ashamed. I broke it off a few days before you and Anya were going to get married. It tore me up to see him hurt, but I felt like I was doing the right thing. I couldn't be with him if it meant feeling that. If I could have just put my pride aside, it would have been fine..." She started crying profusely.

Hearing his friend's words, he couldn't believe it. He never knew Buffy was like that. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't know... You could have come to us. We could have—"

"What? Tried to console me? Tell me you were sorry that you brought me out of heaven?" she scoffed. "I'm sorry, Xander, but it wouldn't have helped. He helped, and I never thought it would have been... Believe it or not, but he helped me realize how good it was to have all of you. He helped pull me out of that rut. He helped me be a better sister for Dawn, and a better friend to you guys... I love him, Xander. He just left before I could tell him. And when he comes back, we'll forgive each other."


End file.
